Anticipated let down.

It's really, really, hard to look at someone and say, "Congratulations on having all the hopes and dreams for my life come true in your life. I'm so happy you've gotten everything I've ever wanted." Sometimes when I'm out doing errands or shopping, I'll think I need to get home because someone will be coming to get me soon. Someone will be expecting me, wanting me, expecting me. But no, there's never anybody. There's nobody coming. My life is pointless. No one needs me in their life. I gave up things God told me to let go. And what has been the return? Nothing. Loneliness and depression. Sadness and deep pain. Worthlessness. Meaninglessness. Isolation because it's not that fun to do everything alone. There is nobody. No one is ever coming. No one needs me.

There's no one to get off the couch for. No one to clean for. No one to impress. No one to exercise or cook for. Why should I care about my body? There's no one to do anything for. There's no one to buy a Christmas gift for. No one to go to church with. No one to spend the day with. I'm not needed. I'm not wanted. I'll forever be alone and depressed, unable to end my own life.