I've never had a desire or need to bear my own children. Why should I? There's plenty of children unwanted that could use a home. And at this age, the only eligible men are going to be single with kids or still living with their own mommy. Gee, Which shall I choose? (Scarcasm)
Dating sites aren't good for moral either. Every man wants a slender or "athletic and toned" body type. Yeah sure, you beer-gut pregnant, superficial prick who can't hold a conversation. I could always settle. But do I really have to settle for the guy who posted his professional family photo and then used the Windows Paint program to "spray paint" his wife's face black? (Insert omg here.)
But no, I don't think I'll even be allowed to settle. God's got me blocked. For sure. I have plenty of dating experience. And thinking back, not one time has anyone one of these people ever LOVED me. Why? God won't let them. No matter who I date or meet, God tells me I can't have them. And if I date them anyways, they will never want me. Not in the way I want for my life. I don't know why he has me blocked. God keeps telling me that whoever "he" is, isn't ready yet. Great, wonderful. So maybe I'll meet him by 40. Then bc men statistically live shorter lives and bc all the women in our family live well into their 90s, I'll be single again probably at age 60-65.
I'm probably going to pick up heavy smoking and a decent amount of drinking so I can at least have hope that my lungs or liver or heart will die off by 80 at the least. But I'm sure that wouldn't work either. God knows I don't want to live a long, old life. So I'm sure he'll make sure I do.
But this is my life. This is what goes in and out of my head every day. Thank God for my two furry best friends. One day something's gotta give.
You are still in my prayers every night and I know life can be tough. ((hugs)) <3 ya cuz.
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